In Loving Memory of Josh

"Hey Michael!

No worries at all! I was very touched by your email as well and I absolutely can tell you about the conversation that we had!

To give some background - I grew up in the church but it wasn't until about June of this year (I also joined Amped somewhere around this time) that I formally gave my life to Christ and was re-baptized in July not long after. Since then I try to talk to everyone about Him and what he's done for me. Because even though my journey is still just starting, my life has changed completely since.

The conversation that Josh and I had was brief but I felt like it was important, even more so looking back on its timing. We had spoken about me going to the YLA event for its 2nd day and what I did there since that day I went completely alone. I had mentioned that even though I was alone physically it didn't matter much to me. I talked so much that day my voice went hoarse but it wasn't just about the gym, I spoke to a lot of people that day, and I brought up Jesus in almost every single conversation I had (I even spoke to security guards)!

With that it led into me speaking personally about God and how much he meant to me, and I had asked Josh where he was on that in a gentle nudge because I never want to overstep. He said he believed and always has. I had asked him about going to church and he said he usually worked Sundays. I planned eventually to invite him to my church's young adults hangout that we do every week.

I'm so happy to hear about Jediah keeping the shirt, it makes me a little emotional to think about. I'm really touched that you'd even consider taking a picture of it for me.

I don't know if you remember but I was there that Sunday at the hospital. We met very briefly and it was kind of a whirlwind because I had rushed there straight from church. I had asked my pastor and people from my church to cover both Josh and your family before I left. Both Brandon and Freddy had reached out to me to see Josh and I had thanked them profusely for even thinking I should be there considering they knew him longer than I did. I'm even more thankful to you and your family for allowing us to be there as well.

At the risk of getting personal, I was really upset with God for a moment. I didn't understand why he'd make us cross paths if he never planned to allow Josh to stay. I was a wreck after his passing and even now when I think about him I get super emotional. I had a long talk with God not long after, and though I'll never know the full scope of why Josh came into my life when he did - I know it was for a reason on both of our ends.

I consider Josh to be a part of my testimony now and I've shared his story with the people in my life too. Along with the bell I mentioned previously; since I knew he wanted to be a gym creator I signed his name on my weightlifting belt alongside the creators I met at the YLA event. It's important to me that he's carried with me on my journey now since he's the one who encouraged me to get back into powerlifting.

I left my previous gym on a whim because my soul no longer felt aligned there and joined Amped the same day. Everyday God has confirmed through people there that it was meant to be. I met Brandon, Freddy, Kevin, and others because of Josh and I can never be thankful enough for the community I've found myself in and connecting with others that knew him.

It's really hard when I remember I won't see him again in this life, but I have so much peace in knowing he's in the best hands he could possibly be in.

I'm incredibly sorry for your loss, I helped raise my niece and I can't possibly imagine the pain you've felt as a parent. It's why I felt very led to tell you my own story with your son and if there's anything else you are curious about by all means ask!

I do plan on going to Josh's celebration, I wouldn't miss it for the world. I'd be honored to share my story with him. And I'd like to introduce myself formally as well!

Blessings to you and your family,
Evelyn. :)"

"The first time I met Josh was on Valentine’s Day. I’d gone to the gym with my friend Richard. We were both single and kind of, “meh, Valentine’s Day.” We saw a group of guys gathered and went over. They were helping Josh ask a girl out. He was really nervous. Since I was the only girl there, they asked me for my advice. I told him he was a good-looking guy and had nothing to be nervous about. At one point his friend Kevin went up to the girl, and Josh got mad—until we found out Kevin had gotten her number for Josh. When we told him, we were all cheering, making a scene in the gym. I don’t know what happened with that girl, but for me and Josh, that’s when we became friends. He kept me updated after that, and I found myself looking forward to seeing him every day.

Me and my friends had a running thing: over-under Josh is going to be here, over-under Josh is going to be at the front desk. And he always was. He’d park his bike right in front of Amped. I remember the very first time I saw him pull up on it. I was outside talking with a friend, sitting on top of my car, and he revved the engine. I remember that day so clearly. I saw him so often I could even tell you when he got the bike. I never wanted to let myself worry about him, so I didn’t, but I always thought of him.

One thing I knew for sure was how much he loved Young L.A. When my friends asked me to go to the Young L.A. pop-up, I said yes. I joked, what are the odds we see Josh? And there he was—tall, easy to spot, smiling at me in the crowd. Later, inside, I saw him up on stage with one of the gym influencers, smiling so big—as I’m sure you know, he had a beautiful smile. I saw it again in you at the service, and I think he would’ve grown to look so much like his father. My friend even pointed and said, “Isn’t that White Boy?” That’s what we called him, and he always got annoyed with me for it, especially when I’d tease him about using the tanning beds at the gym lol. When he came down and saw me, he walked over. I was drinking one of those free protein shakes they were handing out, and I told him it was really good even though it was actually gross. He took a sip, his face scrunched up in disgust, and he told me he hated me. I said, “No you don’t,” and he rolled his eyes but didn’t deny it. That little back-and-forth was just an example of how we always were together—so completely unserious lol. A few days later at the gym, he showed up wearing the pink Young L.A. shirt from the pop-up—and I was wearing mine too. We sighed at each other across the room, like we always did. He came up and said, “You want to be me so bad,” because I was “copying him” with the shirt. But I fired back, “I got here first,” meaning I’d shown up in mine before he came in wearing his. Really, it was the other way around—he was the one copying me lol. He laughed.

The very last day I saw him (Thursday the 21st), I went to the gym twice. The first time, he was working at the desk. I lingered longer than usual, talked to him more than I normally did, joked with him about the stuff in lost and found—he even offered us things and we said no because they carried bad energy—and just stayed. I didn’t realize how important that would be, but I’m glad I didn’t rush off.

Later that same day, I came back again while he was working out. He saw me walk in and, with this look of disgust that I knew was just him teasing, asked, “What are you doing back here again?” I just laughed and told him, “Focus on your set.” What stuck with me was the way he was surrounded by a big group of people, and he was the one leading them. It was so clear how much they admired him—his willpower, his strength, the way he carried himself. I did too. That’s how I’ll always remember him that day.

Since then, every Wednesday I wear the same pink Young L.A. shirt from the pop-up, because Wednesday was the day we accidentally matched. On the inside I wrote “For Josh,” as a reminder to push myself the way he always did with himself and with me. And honestly, there isn’t an inch of Amped—except maybe the ladies’ room—that Josh hasn’t touched. I’m glad for that, because when I’m there, I feel like he is too.

I also want to thank your daughter for responding to me when I reached out. It meant more than she may ever know that she was able to give me that. In her own way, she showed me that Josh cared about me in his own roundabout way, and that he valued our friendship. We were both pretty roundabout people, not always honest about how much we valued each other’s friendship, so hearing from her gave me a kind of confirmation I didn’t know I needed. There were little things about him that really meant a lot to me. There’s a fluke in my Amped membership that he knew about, and he would always threaten to out me for it, but he never did. I’m grateful for that. I know he always had my back even when he pretended not to. Once I asked him to ban a girl I didn’t like, and he actually pulled up her information on the monitor. He told me he couldn’t ban her just because I didn’t like her, but that he would if she ever gave me a reason. Moments like those made me really appreciate him.

I wish I had a piece of him to hold onto. We never took a picture together. The only thing I have is a silly little TikTok I forced him to be in, where he walked away in the middle of it lol. It makes me laugh, because it feels so much like him.

I couldn’t stay the whole service. I sat in the back, and I shed tears. I listened closely when you spoke, and I cried when his siblings spoke. There was nothing I needed more than to hear about him—how he grew up, who he was outside of what I knew. You should be proud of your son. I was proud of him too. Even though I didn’t know him for as long as I wish I had, he isn’t someone I’ll ever forget.

At the celebration of life, you mentioned how he wanted a cross tattoo. I laughed because I remembered him coming into the gym once with a temporary cross tattoo. He’d slept on it, and the ink ended up on his face for a couple of days. It was so funny. I thought you’d want to know that memory.

I’m not religious, but I have prayed for him and over him, and for your family, more times than I can count. I believe he was brought into my life for a reason. I don’t know the full reason yet, but I know this: he mattered to me, he changed me, and I’ll always carry him with me. I hope you and your family are doing okay and finding some peace. Please know that Josh is remembered and loved far beyond what you could see day to day.

Josh was a force. I know you already know that, but I want you to know that others saw it too. He was goofy and witty, but also magnetic. It didn’t seem like he even knew it, but everyone else did. That last day, when he was working out with that big group, he was the one leading them, and everyone was watching him with so much respect and awe. I was too. That’s how I’ll always picture him—making people laugh, teasing me, and at the same time inspiring everyone around him without even trying. With care, Anonymous"